Posted in spirituality

Daniel’s Song

Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane
I can see the red taillights heading for Spain
Oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye
God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes

Writing is my freedom.  I so often struggle with speaking without considering its impact on the other.  I am often too aware with how the other is feeling and how much they can hear.  So, here is where I come to write and share freely. It is where I can share about my precious Oliver. When planning Oliver’s funeral, the pastor told us that when you lose someone to a death, you end up comforting the visitors instead of the other way around.  I find this too be true.  I can often visibly see people’s discomfort when I speak about Oliver. Often, I stop any more talk about him so that they don’t have to be uncomfortable.  This rings true within my own immediate family which includes my other two children, Oliver’s brother and sister, and my husband.   I understand their feelings; I have been that person.  I also understand that everyone has grief and joy in their life, it is not unique to me.   Richard Rohr talks about living our lives within the tension of sorrow and joy. And now with my own heightened awareness of this truth, I try to honor others tension within their own lives.  So, this is my freedom.   My freedom to talk about my very very precious son without constraint, or all sorrow, or all joy.  It is the freedom to share the tension between the joy of having him in our life and the lessons I have learned and the unthinkable pain that I have felt since the day he told me that he knew he would die by suicide one day; and then did.  People are free to come and read if they would like, I am not burdening them with my constant talk of Oliver, but I can express the thoughts of Oliver that permeate my days much more than they could ever imagine.  “God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes”.